plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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