Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
