Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
