I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
