She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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