the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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