peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He is an equal opportunity slut.
smell my finger.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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