if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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