I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
