You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
