Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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