I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
