i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
