Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize