I just cut my nipple shaving
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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