you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
