She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
