filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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