You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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