The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
