Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
