dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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