please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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