and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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