Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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