it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
