she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
