dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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