I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
