i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need to wash the frat house off of me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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