a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize