How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
