You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
