I want to make a zoo with you.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
