My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You work out of a Hotel?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
