the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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