You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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