I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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