all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
