the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
