I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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