haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
