Yo dont text me then not text me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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