he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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