oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
