how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
