I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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