Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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