I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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