I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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