I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
