I wanna bring you to show and tell
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
