you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
