Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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