She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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