3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
