is your mom at the bar?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
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