Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
