We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
