Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
