my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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