Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
