I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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