i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
