So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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