she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
