she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
