i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
