Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
How's work?
Spinning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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