Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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