when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
