I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
