she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
