mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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