He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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