I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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