I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
