I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
