dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
