Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
