May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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