My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
