I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
