I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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