New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
