he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
