I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
