Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize