So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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