somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
