Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
